Making the BIG gesture.

…Romantically that is. Some say the biggest gesture you can make for the one you love is loving them just as they love you. I’m sure you all can remember high school relationships that you had, or your friends had.  At the time we all knew they were meant to be and would last “an eternity”.  We would stay up late talking to our “soul mates” on the phone; singing their praises.

 

In my high school years, I had two relationships I considered at the time to be monumental. In a previous post I described these relationships detail for detail. And yes, at the time my naïve-teenage self thought, “this could be it!”… for about 2 weeks. Then I would realize it was time for me to move on for some minute reason or another.

 

I’ve always had a very difficult time committing to someone… or anything really. And it’s not as though I’ve had horrible examples of how relationships are carried out. My parents have been married happily for about 35 years now, and my grandparents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary when I was in high school. It’s just that I am so fickle.

 

I had many friends who were involved in relationships that they poured themselves into and were so passionate about. Even knowing now how silly these relationships really were- I can’t help but envy the blind passion they had for each other.

 

At the time, I would watch them and wonder how they could commit to something so tumultuous. Because in high school as we all know—EVERYTHING is something to fight over. But what we all considered the big gesture to be in high school came after graduation. 

 

To break up in the fall… or not to break up in the fall- that is the question.

 

I would watch people consider colleges they had never shown interest in, merely because of the current “serious” relationship they were in. Then, once they both were accepted into said school… they would go around campus bragging of all the large plans they had that of course only spoke of them being together forever. All I could ever think when someone told me how many kids they were going to have with their high school sweetheart, was how do you even know what you want? I didn’t even know what I would want for dinner at the time- let alone what I wanted in a significant other.

 

Of course every girl, as a teen, makes a laundry list of characteristics they want their future husbands to obtain- as if we are building one out of clay. Mine went something like this when I was 15:

 

-Must love cats.

-Must love playing board games.

-Intelligent

-Handsome

-Funny/Humorous

 

Even though this was really only four years ago, I can’t help but laugh at myself. In fact, I distinctly remember making this list with my bible study friends at one of our weekly meetings. We wrote our lists in these ornate ivory toned cards my bible study leader had purchased. We were all beginning our freshman year of high school and true love was the most important topic to us. Cindy then informed us she would keep these cards and give them to our husbands when we eventually were married. I asked her not too long ago if she still had those cards, and she said yes and still planned on giving them to us at our weddings.

 

It’s so ironic to me that we come up with characteristics we deem to be desirable for our situation and personalities, when all I can wonder is- how can we really help who we fall in love with- desirable characteristics or not?

 

But what this whole post stems from is a conversation I had with my sister not too long ago about how I can’t imagine making life decisions based on another person—the person I would hopefully spend my life with. Which sounds really selfish, but the foundation of it is- I haven’t met him yet. And she reminded me of this. Then not too long after I was listening to the new Motion City Soundtrack CD and of course fell in love with the song “The Conversation” (mainly because it’s just so Ben Folds inspired).  In the last part of the song it says,

 

“I had a pocket full of dreams, but I gave them all to you. Now I think I want them back. So can you tell me if I’m crazy or confused? Don’t ever change the way you are. I’ve never loved anyone more.”

 

I can’t even explain how much that resonates in me. One of the things I think it means to me is that once you find someone you love that much- you wouldn’t want them to change or check off qualities they possess on a chart of items you deem necessary for yourself. I’m hoping when you know… you just know, and then you will make the “big gesture”- not because you want to, or think they want you to, but because it’s the only natural next step in your life.

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9 thoughts on “Making the BIG gesture.

  1. cmajor7 says:

    As That Old Guy, my only thing to add is this:

    Don’t get married until you’re 27. Better yet, 30.

    As someone who got married when I was 23 (to someone I became involved with at 18), I sure wish I had those years back. This isn’t 1895 anymore. If someone’s telling you that your 20s are for “forever connecting” and making babies, they’re either 1) delusional, 2) trying to live vicariously through you and your “purity””, or 3) suffering from a head wound.

    Once you’ve lived, once you’re sure what you want, go nuts. Marry away.

    But I sense that maybe you don’t entirely disagree.

  2. Kimberly says:

    Haha, it should make you happy to know I wasn’t planning on it. It’d be nice to even be married by then- but who really knows. I’m not going to force “fate” or whatever it is that pushes me along. I do know this, with my major I’m going to be in school until the end of time… or until I’m about 25/26ish, and I do NOT want to get married while going to school, therefore, it will have to be sometime after that…. unless I meet someone who changes my mind. But I doubt it. 🙂

  3. nicole1016 says:

    Haha Your laundry list reminded me of an activity my creative writing class did my senior year of high school. We had to create a list of characteristics that our ideal mate would have, and then from that list choose the most important attribute. Everyone is my class wanted their partners to be loving, caring, honest, loyal, etc. I said that when looking for a partner, the boy needs to be at least 6’3” My teacher asked me why this specific height and I told her that the boy needs to be taller than me when I wear heels (I’m 5’11”) At that point, my teacher just shook her head and walked away.

  4. Kimberly says:

    Haha oh wow! That’s really funny, my sister is quite taller than me too- and she always had issues with boys who were shorter than her. She actually knew some really nice guys when she was in high school that were sweet and caring and really liked her- but she just couldn’t do it because they were shorter than her. And now- she’s engaged to a guy who is 6’7″… i guess she got her wish. 🙂

  5. emilie18 says:

    this is so funny–so true.

    Ah I seem to remember that my card consisted of such things as “must shave armpits, must be clean, must enjoy music, must be older” While I’m still not a fan of hairy guys…it seems kind of silly to place such a parameter. I only know that when I finally have a wedding….I’m going to make sure that card doesn’t reach the groom 😉

  6. Kimberly says:

    Haha! I had NO idea you wanted your man hair free. That’s kind of weird…. maybe you should marry a swimmer.

    Oh and I’m pretty sure Cindy would find a way to get that card to the groom immediately… or maybe I would. 🙂 hehe we’ll see!

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