Does mother know best?

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“I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.”- Audrey Hepburn.

I think this quote is one that everyone can relate to.  I’ve always wanted to gain everyone’s approval around me, but more than most- I wanted my mother’s approval.  I think this relates to the quote because I need her affection to let me know she approves of what I’m doing.  I don’t mean physical affection, but affection in her voice and body language.  She is so easy to read, and I can tell when I’ve disappointed her, or have done something she doesn’t agree with. 

I don’t know why I need her approval.  I always tell myself I don’t care what she thinks, but I really do.  This morning I was realizing if I surrendered myself to her, she would run my life and make all my decisions for me gladly. 

I am eighteen.  I really need to start living for something, something I care about.  Not to make her happy.  So many times I’ve stopped myself from doing something I really wanted to do because I knew my mother would think it was silly.

I remember while when I was growing up, she basically hand-picked my friends for me.  Told me who I could and couldn’t be friends with.  I hate to think of what I’ve missed out on by constantly obeying her.  And I know there are times when mother really does know best, but what about those times when she was looking out for her best interest and not mine?

I always wonder how she would react if I told her one day I was moving to Sudan to be a missionary and am taking my tie-dye wearing hippie of a boyfriend with me.  I will never find out, because I doubt I’ll ever be able to do something she is strongly against. 

The good news from all of this is she has loosened up a lot over the years.  According to my sister, who says she was not this relaxed when she was going through high school and college.

I hate the fact that I’ll end up resenting her most of my adult life because of how much I feel she has held me back in life.  When really I should resent myself because I am the one who allowed her to have the control over me she has. 

I thinking when I finish college maybe I’ll move farther away than she’d like.  Possibly Oregon, maybe Portland.  It would be fun to live in a bigger city, yet I am still close enough she can stalk me down when she feels the need. 

I don’t know these are all thoughts.

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3 thoughts on “Does mother know best?

  1. clevergrl says:

    I love the quotes you find.

    Learning to live life to make you happy, and not worry about everyone you have been trained to worry about all your life, is very hard. But in the end, it will be worth it. And really, if those people can’t handle it (including your mother) maybe they just need to…get over it! But I would be surprised, because I am sure your mother loves you and wants you to be happy. She may get upset at first, but she will deal, for you.

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